My Forever Son


What Happened to Dylan?

On June 25, 2012, I lost my son Dylan to death by suicide. A student at a prestigious Midwest university, Dylan immersed himself in music, art, and digital design. His grades reflected his ongoing depression with which he had struggled since early childhood. Dylan hid his sadness well—smiling and laughing with his family and friends, making silly faces and telling jokes to get others to laugh. Dylan thought deeply about things, and he cared deeply for his friends, oftentimes being there for others who were struggling while tucking away his own painful feelings.

Who Am I?

I am Beth, Dylan’s Mom, and I started writing this blog on April 7, 2015. I had already been grieving for two years and 9 months, and in that time, had read and researched as much as I could find about grief, suicide, child loss, losing an only child, and depression and mental health.

Photo of author, writer, creative artist Beth Brown
Dylan, My Forever Son

I am also a writer and teacher well-versed in adolescent literacy and teaching freshman composition.

I read, I write, I live

William Styron

Why Follow My Blog?

Because love lost by a child’s suicide hurts. Forever. Especially when it’s your child. Bereaved parents of suicides, survivors of suicide, those who have lost a child, and those seeking to understand the effects of suicide on those left behind come to my blog because either they or someone they know has experienced the heartbreak and devastation of losing a child to suicide.

My Forever Son is as much about my journey to want to learn to live again as it is my son’s wanting his life to end.

This, then, is my story about finding my way back. I have had to learn to want to live again. And here then is where my heart runs deep. My life fractured between who then I was and who now I must be.


Also by Beth Brown:

Gardens at Effingham-A Delightful Collection of Cat Tales, Cat Journals, and Cat Tips for Gardening

Peach Flowering Quince bursting into bloom in spring, Gardens at Effingham
Peach Flowering Quince at Gardens at Effingham

Welcome to Gardens at Effingham

Welcome to my journals!

So good to see you here. I am Most Beloved, she who lives in the big house at Gardens at Effingham.

I write a great many of the stories here, recording my observations, snapping photos, and keeping a daily journal about the gardens.

My journals are my sketchbook where I keep detailed notes about the cats and the many activities and adventures in the gardens.

Read on for tidbits, snippets, and excerpts from my journals about Gardens at Effingham.

A photograph of a beautiful, small white cat named "Most Beloved" looking out a window. Most Beloved is bird watching in summer, Gardens at Effingham
A Photograph of a beautiful white cat named "Most Beloved". She has her head tilted in curiosity. She is the indoor cat at Gardens at Effingham,
Most Beloved

An Orange Nasturium with beautiful round mottled green leaves in a pot sitting on a low-lying stone wall. Warmth and serenity of summer are suggested in photo, Gardens at Effingham
Orange Nasturtium in Summer, Gardens at Effingham

I live life between,
straddled
here now and then–
my pen dripping ink,
my mind swirling confused,
your love lingering yet still
while a cat’s purring soothes

Beth Brown, Gardens at effingham

Beth Brown: Gardens at Effingham

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